that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
