Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
