the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Please don't give away my fajitas
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
