I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
