your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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