Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
