i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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