i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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