dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
