I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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