How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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