Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
