If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We need to get me chipped asap
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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