I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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