The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
