love makes seman taste better
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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