So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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