Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
