ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
