called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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