My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
