What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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