i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
