Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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