Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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