She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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