I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
