whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
