I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
