I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
