Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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