Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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