Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
