Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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