M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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