Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
