Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
