I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
