So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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