Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Congratulations! We have a period
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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