Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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