youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
