My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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