It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
