you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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