my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
