is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
