im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
