Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
