I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
