Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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