Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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