Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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