Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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