Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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