I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think my mom watched the whole time
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
