I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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