i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
