It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
