I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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