Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
