no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
