I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
