True but thats because hes a fetus.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
