There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
