what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
