So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
