found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
