I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
