Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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