The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
